Down on My Knees

Down On My Knees

I'm down on my knees, in my prayer position

Feeling like a fool,

Which I am finding myself drowning in my own sorrowful pool

My life has been nothing but an uphill battle that I cannot win

Nothing is ever good enough, not even for HIM

Feels like everything I do is all a waste

Life is all I ever wanted

Now I can't even get a taste

I'm tired of all this love

I'm tired of all this hate

When all I can do is push and shove

When all I can do is accept my fate

My soul is tortured, eating at me from every direction

Beating my brain for any decision, rhyme, or reason

I'm down on my knees, praying for an answer to my questions

I'm begging for forgiveness for all of my sin

Believing my life can be changed

Believing my life can start over again

I hate this feeling of my desperate need

Feels like my heart is tearing, about to bleed

Being blown into the dust, dark shadows follow

Walking around feeling empty and hallow

With the never ending feeling of being cold and shallow

Craving HIS love and attention

But feeling like it’s not allowed

So warm and inviting, but never reaching

The indecision to trust and believe

Wanting to walk and be free

Afraid of what I have to give up

Afraid of what I might have to lose

Afraid of what will happen if I don't

Afraid of what happens if I choose

Begging for forgiveness, praying on my knees

My head bowed down in prayer

I'm asking for understanding

Waiting for my answer

Searching for myself, a reflection of who I use to be

A woman who use to love

A woman who use to feel

A woman who use to be free

Whose heart use to be open

Now my heart has been closed and is cold

Fearing that this won't ever be over

Fearing that time has erased all memories

My mind has been clouded with nothing but anger

This pain is too real, I don't want to feel

To be numb is all I want, to feel nothing

I want to feel HIS love, and not feel my hate

GOD, help me please

I'm down on my knees

My head is bowed, praying for forgiveness

For your understanding, and patience

Praying that you are listening

Because all I want is to live, laugh, and love

By Heather Kasimoff 12/22/2008